Updated: Jul 20
I am not responsible for everything that happens to me in my life. However, I am accountable for everything that has happen to me in my life. This is a saying (from where I forget) and I think it best describes the relationship we should have with the hard experiences in our life (trauma). The problem is that the relationship with have with Hard experiences in our life (trauma) is that; we see others as the cause of our pain (which is true) therefore others should be the one that fixes it (which is impossible to enforce therefore not true). That is the problem we do not think that we can or need to fix problems that other people, places or things cause; however, we do fix problems cause by others all the time (think about that co-worker that doesn't finish their projects on-time). We need to start to think of our mental problems in the same light.
We can not afford to wait on others to fix what they have broken in us. We need to learn to choose ourselves over the experience we had (trauma). We need to learn what others have broken in us is our responsibly to fix ( like how a co-worker mistake can cost us our job). We have to be willing to work on our issues and fix what others have broken in us (parent, friends, family, past relationships, and coworkers). The sad fact is that most of the time other will not come back to us and try to make amends for their wrong doings.
This keeps us stuck in a toxic cycle of our own making. Others have broken something within us. We keep looking for others people, places, or things to fix our brokenness causing us to be more broken. We pick relationships that remind us of our family toxic behavior. Hoping that they will fix the issue our family left by being better (they are almost never better). We numb our pain with drug, alcohol, and other toxic behaviors hoping that it will help us cope with our feeling (this is a short term fix and becomes a long term problem). Then we are back at the beginning.
Working on our trauma is hard however, the life we live waiting for others to fix it is harder. Learning how to take accountability for how we relate to the past is a tall order however, it better than living under the effects of these past experiences our whole lives. The learning experience you gain from the past can help you choose to live for yourself. Choose to better yourself. Choose to be comfortable with yourself. Learn not to give your power away to others and the experience they have given to you (trauma). If you need help with that take one of my course or contact me with a question and I will answer it in a blog (leaving out your name). Hope this brings you closer to peace of mind and your authentic self.
References (I edit this worksheet and make a picture with it) The cycle of anxiety. (n.d.). Therapist Aid. https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/cycle-of-anxiety